Atonement
by Never Stop Believing in Love
Summary: Set sometime after season nine Boyd know's he is finally going to have to face part of his past and atone for some mistakes he made.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own the copyright for Waking the dead or its characters – all rights belong to the BBC**

**Content: Season nine spoilers, friendship, angst.**

**Rating T – angst & a little language**

**Hey everyone. So sitting in work today I had an idea drift into my head and this is the first exploration of it! I hope that you enjoy the first chapter of this story as much as I have enjoyed writing it. I'm dipping my toe into the 'other pond' so to speak and I really apologise to those who may hate me (please give it at chance), but the more I have watched season four the more I am becoming more than a little convinced! Anyway please please review (yes I'm sorry … I'm aware it's almost begging … indulge me ) as I would love to hear your thoughts (good or bad) on this. Once again THANK YOU so much for reading. Hope you enjoy! xx**

**Atonement**

**Chapter One**

Boyd stood in the corridor nervously shifting his weight from one foot to another. His pulse racing as he tried to control his heart rate.

_'This is ridiculous_ ….' he berated himself '…._I'm a grown man for frig sake and supposedly in charge_.' He ran his hand roughly through his hair, the dim lighting helping to shield the deep apprehension in his eyes from the rest of the world. His body under seize by the mixture of emotions which he had no control over and that were currently holding him prisoner. He swallowed hard trying to reintroduce moisture to his mouth suddenly acutely aware of its dryness as he sighed heavily.

'_Absolutely ridiculous Boyd' _

He closed his eyes as he played the impending conversation over in his mind pre-empting the reaction that may be invoked as soon as he would walk into the room which was situated just behind where he was currently standing. Best case scenario he thought would be a warm smile, and a feeling of genuine affection. His face clouded. He had always had a pre-disposition of expecting the worse and in this case he was pretty sure the most likely outcome would be a slap across his face along with a tirade of abuse. His lips began to curl slightly into a small smile as he remembered the angry exchanges he had been party to over the years, the passion and intensity firing his soul and making him feel alive. Realisation swept over his mind. The truth was, if he was completely honest with himself, what concerned him more than feeling the sting on his cheek, or being in the firing line of heated angry abusive words was that he would be completely ignored, shut out. Anger, passion, fiery raw emotion, he could deal with, relate to, but to be ignored, especially by her, well that would just drive him crazy.

All his life he had never been known to back away from a fight, his emotions racing from 0 - 100 in seconds. He would lose control easily allowing his passion and drive to take him to places that sometimes even shocked him. However, once he had said what needed to be said, no matter how heated, it was finished as far as he was concerned and he simply moved on. It took him a long while and a lot of help from Grace before he understood that not everyone could get over things and move on as easily as he could. He had often left a trail of destruction in his wake, unaware of the hurt and damage his words had caused until it was pointed out to him. Most things he was able to atone for, most things his team had forgiven him for, but this had been different and he knew it. Absolution he feared would never be granted no matter how much he begged for it.

The last few months had been unsettling to say the least for Boyd and his team, they had lost two members. Sarah Cavendish was dead, killed by the Assistant Chief Commissioner Tony Nicholson and Boyd still carried around the guilt of knowing she died trying to make amends to him. He had been so angry, even briefly flirting with the feeling of hatred towards her when he had found out she had betrayed him, betrayed the team. He may be many things, but at his very core ran a deep sense of loyalty especially when it came to the CCU and the people he cared for. Sarah had destroyed both and it made him furious. Yet for all his anger and hatred, he never wished her to come to any kind of harm. The day her body was discovered in the old storage shed at the back of his garden had been horrific.

As he knelt beside her broken body his mind was overwhelmed with thoughts guilt, anguish, and pain mixed with images of last time he had knelt beside the lifeless body of a member of his team, Mel. Her face flashing into his consciousness as the memory coursed through him like a violent storm. He knew even after all these years that he still hadn't come to terms with loosing Mel. The stark reality was he doubted that he ever would. He could never have imagined the darkness her death would bring to his life, the fallout almost unbearable. He had let her down, and as he knelt beside Sarah's broken body, her blonde hair crimson with her own blood, he was acutely aware he had awarded her the same fate. Consumed in his own grief he had barely heard the words that he had so often spoken himself, as his arms were roughly pulled behind his back and he felt the cold metal around his wrists before the unmistakable tight grasp of cuffs…..

"_Peter Boyd … I'm arresting you for the murder of Detective Superintendent Sarah Cavendish _…."

The inquiry into Sarah's death had taken eight months. The hastily recorded confession that Boyd had made and Nicholson's subsequent death had been enough to clear him from any involvement in her murder, but there still had to be a formal inquiry into Boyd's behaviour and handling of the matter. He was to be suspended on full pay and the CCU temporarily closed until the situation was resolved.

"So whatya gonna do?" Spence asked concern etched on his face as he looked at Boyd.

"I have absolutely no idea." Boyd shrugged nervously laughing as he did so.

The chill of the evening air started to bite, the wind unbridled sweeping of the Thames. "Nine bloody years, and we end up homeless under Waterloo Bridge."

Boyd turned to look at Grace as she spoke, he could see the glisten of tears start to form in her eyes. He knew that it wasn't because the unit had been temporarily closed, but that she was genuinely worried for him. Nicholson had tried to frame him for murder, and he was about to face a huge investigation into his entire career. She knew over these next few months he was going to need a lot of support and hoped that he would be strong enough to ask for it.

"Oh I dunknow, it feels kinda familiar don't you think? Too much concrete, not enough light." He smiled fondly at her placing a hand on her shoulder and squeezing it reassuringly."

"How can you joke at a time like this?" She replied unable to prevent herself from returning his smile.

"I dunknow – what else can I do?"

"Go to the pub and get hammered!" Spence quipped.

"You know what Spence, that's about the best plan you've had all year. Let's get outta here and do what the man says." Boyd said placing a guiding hand on the small of Grace's back as they started to leave.

During the next few months as the investigation got underway the team had gone their own way. Spence had been seconded to CID and was busier it seemed than ever. His work at the Cold Case Unit preparing him for the long hours. Occasionally Boyd had met with him for a pint and a catch up. He enjoyed listening to Spence talk about the latest case he was working on, suspects he was tailing and leads he was following up but it made him impatient, longing to get back into the midst of things again. _Damn inquiry_. Boyd had assured him that as soon as the investigation was over, if he had anything to do with it Spence would have a job waiting for him if, of course, he still wanted it that was.

Of all the team he had spent the most time with Grace unable to get through a day without talking to her it seemed and meeting up with her at least three or four times a week. Both of them unwilling to let the closeness of their relationship go. She had started to write another book on how the mind is wired, which she delighted in trying to explain to him every time they met for dinner.

"Grace, c'mon, simple, plain, English _Puhlease_." He held his hands up in exasperation.

"Okay the brain is in two halves ….."

"Yes yes I know that ….. move it on." He gestured with his hands rolling his eyes in mock boredom.

"Okay,…. well the primary road between the hemispheres of the brain is called the corpus callosum."

"Corpus callowhat?"

"Callosum. Anyway it has been proven than women have a thicker corpus callosum than men. Meaning the left brain and right brain talk better to one another than they do in men. We are much more balan …"

"Hold on ….. so what you're telling me here then, Grace, is that women are a talking shop? Aww seriously …. six months of research and _**this**_ is all you've come up with, women like to talk. Jes ….. I couldda told you that, saved you a load of time." He teased.

"Yea of course you could have. I wait with baited breath on your book being published Peter."

"Prepare yourself for the competition Grace, and I can assure you it will be more insightful than women don't shut the hell up." His smile was playful and prompted her to return it widely.

Grace by all accounts was his best friend. He trusted her more than anyone in the world, and cared deeply for her. He could never image a time when she wouldn't be in his life. He needed her as much as he needed air. She was his counter balance, keeping him in check, pulling him back when he was about to do something monumentally stupid, or picking up the pieces when he had. She had been invaluable these during the investigation into his conduct. Knowing that she was there, and having the freedom to rant and rave to her about the powers that be that were trying to bring him down without any worry of consequence or retribution had been cathartic. He knew that friendship like the one he and Grace shared didn't often come along in life and he was extremely lucky to have found it.

Eve, for her part, had travelled to Somalia to work for two months before returning full time to body farm. Boyd recalled how happy she had been surrounded by dead bodies when he had visited her there.

"Seriously Eve, I really worry about you, you know that don't you?" Boyd remarked as he watched her carefully remove _'one of her babies'_ from the controlled environment where it had been slowly decomposing.

"Aww Boyd, your concern is so touching." Eve throatily laughed as she gently caressed the skull she was holding.

"If I didn't know you better I'd swear you had psychopathic tendencies." He glibly continued.

"And how do you know that you know me well – maybe I am in fact psychopathic?" She gave a sinister smile.

"I reckon if you were you'd have done me in well before this." He said deadpan.

"Yea actually you're probably right." Her reply causing them both to laugh.

Eve's decision to stay and continue working full time at the body farm rather than returning to the CCU didn't surprise him, although he was saddened by it. She had been a valued member his team, he trusted her, and she was damn good at her job. He didn't want to lose her, but nor could he stand in her way. As weird as it was he could see how happy it made her to be there and if he had learnt anything during these last eight months it was that work was not the be all and end all.

Now that the inquiry was over and Boyd had been fully reinstated it was time for him to gather his team around him again. He couldn't hide his delight when both Grace and Spence had agreed to return taking them to the pub to celebrate the new beginning.

"So Eve's not joining us tonight then?" Spence enquired.

"No, she can't make it, but she said she will pop into the offices when we open to say hello." Grace replied.

"It's gonna be strange not having her around, I've got used to her quirkiness."

"That's one word for it." Boyd interjected.

"So have we been assigned another pathologist yet?" Grace turned to look at Boyd as she spoke.

"Um, no, not yet. I have requested one of course, and the Home Office have assured me that they will send one by the time we are back in business, but so far I've heard nothing."

"Typical Home Office, full of bureaucrats surrounded by paper work but absolutely no substance."

"Says mystic Meg in the corner there …. Anyway we'll find out soon enough – now who's for another drink?" Boyd asked as he stood up.

He was right. He did find out soon enough. As he opened the email from the home office and read its contents he instinctively sank back in his chair swearing into the emptiness of his office. He removed his glasses and ran his hand across his face trying to displace the headache that was threatening to overtake him. Putting his glasses back on he leant forward to re-read the email in the vain chance that he had got it wrong, exhaling loudly as he digested the contents.

He swallowed hard as he tried to determine his emotions, his feelings playing tricks with his mind. He had asked for the best and he was in no doubt that he had got it, but at what cost. He had often dreamt about this day and yet now it appeared to be happening he wondered how it would work. It had been such a long time ago, but he still carried the scars.

Boyd wasn't sure how long he had stood in the dimly lit corridor outside the lab but he couldn't put it off any longer. Briefly he closed his eyes as he mentally prepared himself, taking a deep steading breath he pulled on the white overcoat before pressing the button that opened the door. His eyes quickly adjusting to the bright light as he caught sight of her form turning at the sound of him entering.

"Hi Frankie" He smiled.

"Hello Boyd."


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I do not own the copyright for Waking the dead or its characters – all rights belong to the BBC**

**Content: Season nine spoilers, friendship, angst.**

**Rating T – angst **

**Hey everyone. Thank you so much for reading and reviewing ….. your time is very much appreciated. I have come to realise while writing this that it really is a piece of fluff …. There's no pressing case to be solved – except if you count the personal one between Boyd and Frankie. I am sorry to all those who like the nitty gritty and drama of solving a case, I really hope you are not too disappointed with this. Maybe one day I will get past the fluff … unfortunately today is not that day! However I do hope that you enjoy this second chapter …. Would love you hear your thoughts. Thanks again xx**

**Atonement**

**Chapter Two**

Frankie Wharton had been nervously pacing for the last hour. The familiarity of her surroundings giving rise to feelings of both deep comfort and terrifying apprehension.

_What am I doing here?_

It had been over five years since she last set foot in the CCU and when she walked out she was certain that she would never return and had Alan not walked on her a few months ago leaving her with a huge mortgage to pay on the plush riverside apartment they had bought together she would not have considered it. The apartment had been up for sale for almost five months already, but the London property market was almost at a standstill and apart from one or two viewers at the beginning there had been virtually no interest. The research projects she had been working on since leaving the unit were beginning to dry up, another victim of the credit crunch and she knew that she needed to find regular employment soon to stop her from defaulting on her mortgage.

When she contacted the Home Office to inform them that she was available for mainstream work again she couldn't believe her luck when they told her there was a post vacant that needed to be filled immediately, one which they were having difficulty finding the right person for at such short notice. As she was still registered on the list of Home Office Pathologists the job was hers if she was interested.

"_Of course I'm interested, wow, this is great, I didn't think I would be placed so quickly." she said hope evident in her voice as she began to see light at the end of her financial crisis. "Where is it based?"_

"_Actually, this is perfect for you, It's right here in the centre of London. I believe you are familiar with the Cold Case Unit and Detective Superintendent Boyd."_

_The silence at the other end of the phone was deafening as Frankie tried to process what she was hearing, her stomach lurching as she tried to supress the nausea that was beginning to overwhelm her body._

"_Dr Wharton? Dr Wharton are you still there?"_

"_You are kidding me right?" She eventually found her voice to reply._

"_Erm no, I thought you'd be pleased to get involved with your old team again, something familiar, get you back into the way of things."_

_Frankie sighed deeply. "Not exactly no." she replied unable to hide the disappointment in her voice. "Is there nothing else you have at all, I don't mind travelling?"_

"_Sorry Dr Wharton, there are no other vacant posts anywhere at the minute, in fact there are even waiting lists for most posts should they eventually become available. This one has just came up as the pathologist contracted with the unit, Eve Lockhart, has decided to continue her work at the Body Farm on a full time basis and there is currently no such waiting list for CCU."_

"_Yea I wonder why?" She sarcastically replied. _

_Frankie closed her eyes, her heart racing as she weighed up her options. _

_I can't believe I am even considering this. _

_Wearily she rubbed her hand over her face in an attempt of finding clarity. She needed this job, she knew she was dangerously close to losing everything and the last thing she could face was having the apartment repossessed and being homeless. She had worked to damn hard for that to happen. _

_Her mind was screaming in frustrated anger, but she couldn't decipher if it was aimed at Alan or Boyd but finally accepted that it was probably towards both. _

"_When do I start?" She tentatively enquired?_

"_A week on Monday."_

_She breathed in deeply as she replied. "Okay, I'll take it."_

"_That's great news Dr Wharton, I am sure DSI Boyd will be delighted to have you back on his team again …"_

"_Yea I bet he will …." She mumbled under her breath._

"… _can you call into the offices on Friday morning and we will get the relevant paper work and contracts sorted out?"_

"_Yes that's fine, I'll see you Friday."_

Frankie swallowed hard as she observed her surroundings her mind taunting her with the idea that maybe being homeless might have been the lessor of the two evils. There was no doubt that it was here, working for this unit, that she had been at her happiest. She had formed deep relationships and strong bonds of friendship with the team, too deep as it happens in some cases. When things fell apart they did so spectacularly and very painfully. It had hurt her more than she thought was possible. She closed her eyes as she recalled the moment her happiness began to unravel.

_The sound of the lab doors opening had startled her and she turned smiling as she saw Spence enter. He didn't return her smile, the haunted look of devastation written across his face, tears welling in his eyes could only mean one thing._

_She steadied herself as her heart began to beat so hard she thought it was about to explode. "Who?" Was the only word she managed to get past the lump that threatened to choke her. _

_"Mel." He quietly replied unable to contain his hurt or his tears. _

It had taken only a second for her world to change. Mel had been her closest friend, her death had been overwhelming and the only person Frankie had wanted to receive comfort from seemed completely devoid of it. Over the years she had attempted to separate her feelings, which ones were directly attributed to the loss of Mel and which to the hurt of rejection and coldness she received from him. One it seemed was inextricably linked to the other, each causing her heart unbelievable pain every time she thought of that time. Now she was going to have to deal with the demons that had haunted her for five years face on and even after all this time she wasn't sure if she was strong enough to face it, or to face him.

The doors to the laboratory opened and she instinctively knew exactly who was standing behind her without the need for turning. His breathing was shallow, his musky scent unmistakable. She briefly closed her eyes while taking a steadying breath trying to control her increased heart rate. Slowly she turned and lifted her gaze to meet his, momentarily loosing herself in the darkness of his eyes while fighting to suppress the intense force of emotions rising from deep within her.

_How does he still have the power to make me feel this way?_

"Hi Frankie."

"Hello Boyd."

"It's good to see you, you …. You look well." He said softly swallowing hard as he allowed himself to observe her form and to remember the time when they were closer.

Frankie could see how intensely Boyd was staring at her and she hated herself for the effect the scrutiny of his eyes was having on her. Her whole body internally trembling under his dark gaze. Forcing herself to break the spell she immediately looked away.

"Cut the crap Boyd, let's just get one thing straight - nothing's changed okay! I'm not here through choice; I'm here because I have to be. If it was up to me I'd be a million miles away from here, and at least that far away from you."

Boyd sighed heavily as he dropped his head. "Frankie …."

"No Boyd! I'm serious. I can't do this, not now. I need to get my head round just being back here I can't deal with you right now as well."

"But we WILL need to deal with this won't we? So let's just …."

"Really? I needed to deal with it five years ago, where the hell where you then eh?" She looked at him fire raging in her eyes.

"I … I couldn't …" His voice faltered.

"Yea YOU couldn't …. Everything is always about YOU Boyd, on YOUR terms. Well the team needed you … I needed you, but YOU couldn't handle it and now we just have to get on with the situation the best we can, doesn't mean I have to like it!"

Boyd sighed deeply before continuing. "When Mel died, I felt so responsible, and what I made you do …. I …."

"Boyd stop it please, seriously I can't do this not right now" She held her hands up defensively as she began to turn away from him, tears welling in her eyes.

Boyd reached out and grabbed her arm "Frankie …." He said gently turning her to face him again. "Don't do this, please. I've missed you … it's true you never realise a good thing till it's gone." 

Her pulse began to race sending shivers up and down her spine as she felt his touch on her arm her body longing to react as it cruelly reminded her of a time when his touch was tender and wanton.

"My replacements were very capable. I know both Felix Gibson and Eve Lockhart they are excellent pathologists." She answered trying to keep her tone even as she fought the tingling of her body.

"That's not what I meant and you know it …. Yea they were great at their jobs but they ….. well …. they weren't you!"

"How dare you Boyd!" She angrily replied releasing herself from his grip. "How dare you come in here after all this time and say stuff like that to me!"

Boyd shrugged "Well it's true."

"Get out Boyd."

"No, I'm not going anywhere. If we are going to work together Frankie we need to discuss this." His tone had begun to rise.

"Well not right now we ….."

"If not now, when then? Come on you tell ….."

The noise of the door opening behind them caused them both to stop abruptly and turn to see Grace entering glaring at Boyd as she passed having immediately picked up on the atmosphere and assuming he was the cause.

Ignoring Boyd's obvious displeasure at the interruption she continued towards where Frankie stood. "Now here's a sight for sore eyes, welcome back Frankie." She said gently hugging the younger woman.

"Hi Grace, it's so good to see you." Frankie warmly smiled grateful for the profiler's interruption.

"You getting settled back in alright?"

"Hmmm yea slowly, I think. It's just strange being back you know."

"I'm sure it is, it's been a long time. Well we're glad to have you back anyway, aren't we Boyd?" Grace turned and looked in his direction.

"Hmm What? ... Yea, yea ecstatic!"

"Boyd! …" Grace scolded rolling her eyes in disbelief "…. Don't be so flaming rude!" Turning back to Frankie she continued "Well you can see some things haven't changed round here anyway, take no notice of him." She said nodding her head in Boyd's direction.

"Yea I'd gathered and don't worry I stopped taking notice of him a long time ago."

"Aww this is crap! Right I've heard enough." Boyd threw up his hands sulking before turning swiftly to leave "Welcome back Frankie." He grumpily shouted behind him as he left.

Once outside he stopped and leaned heavily against the wall, rubbing his hand across his face. She was still so angry with him. He had hoped that somehow time would have lessened her hatred towards him, but deep down he knew that he couldn't blame her, what he had asked from her was unforgivable. Shaking his head regretfully he looked once more at the closed door he had just exited before making his way back to the safety of his office.

A gentle tap sounded from his door causing him to lift his eyes from the file he had pointlessly been starring at for the last hour. Grace didn't wait for a reply before she opened the door and entered his office.

"Hi." She opened sitting herself down on his sofa.

"Hi." He smiled meekly.

"What was all that about, before in the lab?"

"All what about?"

"You and Frankie, you could cut the atmosphere with a knife."

"It's ... It's really nothing." Gesturing dismissively with his hands.

"Haven't you sorted things out with her? You did apologise didn't you?"

"It's not that easy Grace ... It's ..."

"Yes it is Boyd, it's as simple as Frankie I'm sorry." She cut across him.

" ... complicated."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"No!"

"Well you've both got to work together you can't go on with this awkward atmosphere or worse still completely ignoring each other. It's not good for the team Boyd, we've been through enough."

"You think I don't know that? It's just ..."

"Complicated ... Yea you said!" Grace paused briefly choosing her words carefully. "I'm assuming it was about Mel?"

"Aww Grace please …come on!" What part of I don't want to talk about it do you not get, Grace, eh?"

"The part that knows you well enough to know that even though you may not want too you need to talk about it."

"You think?" He sarcastically quipped.

"Come on Boyd ... you know you do."

"Well maybe so, but not here, not now! Okay?"

"Okay ….. so when?"

"Grace ... just leave it eh."

"No Boyd, the sooner you deal with this the better … for all of us!" She held his gaze while she continued. "Look I tell you what, why don't you come over to mine tonight, I'll cook, you bring the wine and we'll talk then. How does that sound?"

He starred at his desk for a while contemplating if he could face explaining himself "I dunknow Grace …"

"Don't think about it, just come. It's been ages since we've just sat down just the two of us and talked over some wine."

He lifted his head and smiled gently at her before nodding his head in agreement "Okay." he softly said.

Grace returned his smile as she got up to leave. "Good, 7.30pm okay with you?"

"Yea, 7.30pm is fine."

As she closed the door to his office he leaned back heavily on his chair and ran his fingers roughly through his hair. _How am I even going to begin to explain this to Grace?_


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I do not own the copyright for Waking the dead or its characters – all rights belong to the BBC**

**Content: Season nine spoilers, friendship, angst.**

**Rating: K **

**Hey everyone. Sorry it's been a while since the last update on this, my muse has been somewhat distracted. Thank you so much for taking the time to read – I would once again really appreciate hearing your thought on this. Big special shout out to Joodiff ….. my partner in B/F crime! :) **

**Atonement**

**Chapter Three**

Although the familiar drive across the river to Grace's house took the usual amount of time, for Boyd it passed all too quickly. Ordinarily he looked forward to spending the evening with Grace. Always completely at ease in her presence, he welcomed the engaging conversation that normally flowed easily between them, but tonight he was filled with apprehension. He wasn't exactly sure why, after all Grace was his friend, she would understand. Wouldn't she? He blew air forcefully from between his lips sighing deeply. He hadn't told her, he had intended to, had tried to on many occasions but it had never felt like the right time. The longer he left it the easier it became to say nothing and if he was truly honest he had been in no rush to pick the scab of that particular wound again so keeping quiet suited him just fine. It wasn't that he was lying to Grace, at least not directly. He just omitted to tell her. That was different wasn't it? She would see that was different. Anyway she didn't need to know everything about his personal life. Did she?

He had stopped at the local off sales and bought three bottles of expensive red, before carefully placing them on the front seat of his car and continuing his journey. He would definitely need a drink tonight and if Grace was going to force him to talk he was going to ensure that he at least enjoyed the alcohol. He turned into her quiet street pulling his car into the drive of her Victorian Semi. The black Audi parked at the side of her house had long since become a regular sight and they often laughed together about what the neighbours thought, not that either of them cared much about the neighbourhood idle gossip. Boyd closed his eyes and inhaled deeply steeling himself for the evening ahead. Carefully he lifted the bag containing the wine from the passenger seat and climbed out of his car slamming the door firmly behind him.

The gravel crunched beneath his feet as he walked towards her front door, the cold air catching his breath as he paused momentarily running his fingers roughly through his hair before reaching up to ring the doorbell. Almost immediately he saw Grace's silhouette move closer to the door before it opened.

"Hi, come in." She smiled widely, the warmth and scent of her house embracing him as he entered.

"Thanks ..." He replied stopping to wipe his feet on the mat as he handed her the wine before stooping to remove his shoes completely.

"Oh very nice choice Boyd." Grace remarked as she lifted one of the bottles to read the label.

"Well ... I thought it was the least I could do seeing as you are going to the trouble of cooking. Hmm it smells great by the way, what are you cooking?" He answered following her into the kitchen before removing the lids of the pots on the stove.

"Flambéed chicken with asparagus and parmesan-roasted potatoes." She smiled playfully slapping his hand away as he tried to dip his finger into the sauce to taste.

He raised his eyebrows as he spoke. "Oh very posh Grace, what happened to the beans on toast I normally get when I come here eh." He teased grinning widely before holding up a pacifying hand at her feigned hurt look.

"Oi! Careful you!"

"I know, I know, I'm joking ….." He laughed as she flicked the drying cloth she was holding at him. " ….. but seriously you really didn't need to go to all this trouble you know Grace."

"Yea I know, but I wanted to. It's been a while since I've cooked for anyone, and you know that I love doing it so it really is no trouble. Now are you going to stand there all night or will you at least make yourself useful and open the wine."

Boyd was surprised that dinner passed so comfortably and how at some point during the meal he had completely relaxed. This was Grace's gift to him. She was the only person in whose company he could truly be himself, no pretence. Even on nights like tonight when he was on edge she had an inept ability to put him at ease. He loved her and hated her for it in equal measures often finding that he shared more of himself than he intended. He knew it was all part of her training that enabled her to make people feel comfortable in order to gain their trust, but he also knew that with him it was different. He wasn't just another client looking for respite from their demons, or a patient needing help to pull back from the brink, he was her friend, by no stretch of the imagination, her best friend. He hated the fact she made him talk to her about things he would rather keep supressed, but at the same time he loved her deeply for caring so much for him that she took the time. He was also more than acutely aware that tonight the wine was playing a huge part in his tranquil state. That together with the fact that Grace hadn't mention Frankie all evening had led him into false sense of security. Maybe she realised that some things were better left unsaid. Then again, he thought wryly to himself, this is Grace, in her mind nothing is better left unsaid.

As they moved from the dining table to sit more comfortably in the longue he sat heavily on her sofa, head slouched against the back, his long legs stretched out in front of him.

"Thanks for dinner Grace" He smiled softly.

"I'm glad you enjoyed it, it was nice to sit down and eat instead of grabbing a rushed pre-packed sandwich in the office." She replied as she curled her legs under her on the chair opposite him.

They sat in companionable silence for a few moments as Grace considered how best to brooch the elephant that was clearly in the room before deciding that the direct approach would be best. After all she did invite him round to talk about it, so it wouldn't take him by surprise.

"So are you going to tell me what was going on in the lab today with Frankie?" Grace opened gently.

Boyd sighed deeply. "Aww Grace, I know I said I'd talk, but do we really need to do this now, it's been such a lovely evening?" His tone was gentle, as his deep brown eyes locked with hers. He knew that his protests were futile, but he felt he had to at least make one last ditch attempt.

"Yes, I think we do Boyd." She answered just as gently. "Frankie has only just come back, and if today's performance is anything to go by she may not be back for very long."

"Yea well, maybe that would be for the best."

"You don't mean that."

"What? How do you know what I mean?"

"Because I know you, and I know how cut up you were when Frankie left even though you would never admit it. I know you blame yourself that she went in the first place." Grace saw a dark cloud descend over his eyes as her words flooded his head with painful memories.

He sighed deeply closing his eyes momentarily as he tried to sober himself. "She hates me Grace…." His voice no louder than a whisper. "…. and I don't blame her, not for one second."

"She doesn't hate you Boyd."

He nodded slowly. "She does ….."

"Why? Because of Mel?"

"Yea Mel, making her process the scene ... and all the rest."

"The rest? Frankie left just after Mel died, not even you could have upset her more than she was over that."

"You think?"

"Boyd, what is it?"

Boyd stood lifting his glass and motioned toward Grace. "I need another drink, do you want a refill?" She nodded her head "Yes please….." calling after him as moved into the kitchen. "…..So did you see Frankie after she left the unit then."

"Erm no …. well yes, kinda." He called back

"Kinda? Either you did or you didn't Boyd." She turned as she heard him approach and watched as he stopped and leaned into the doorway his head resting gently on the frame.

"Yea I saw her, briefly, that's part of the problem I suppose." For a moment she thought she saw a flash of regret rise within his eyes, his mind in turmoil as he desperately searched for the right words to say.

"Did you argue?"

Boyd smiled his boyish smile, the one that lets him get away with so much, and yet hides a million things more. "Contrary to popular belief Grace, I don't always feel the need to argue." He said lightly as he handed her the glass of wine he had just poured.

"Thanks …" She took a long draw from the glass before continuing. "…. I know that, and I also know what you're doing."

"And what would that be then, Grace, eh?"

"Trying to use humour to get you out of talking about how you really feel. You do it all the time."

"Is that right…?"

"Yes it is! So if you didn't argue what happened between you both to make it so …"

"Painful …?"

"I was going to say uncomfortable, but that is an interesting choice of word to use Boyd. Why painful?"

Boyd felt as though he had been betrayed by his own mouth. He could have said a hundred other words, or indeed said nothing at all; instead he inadvertently admitted one of the true deep raw emotions he felt when Frankie left. He slowly rubbed his hand over his features mentally berating himself before he continued.

"Oh …. I don't know, it was just a word. It was a very painful time for everyone Grace. You know that."

"Yes, yes it was, but it's interesting how you equated the word 'painful' when describing your relationship with Frankie."

Boyd took another long drink from his glass before sitting forward placing it on the table. He continued to stare directly in front of him, unwilling or unable to meet Grace's gaze as he closed his eyes, the memory of Frankie and her last few days at the unit swamping his thoughts. Emotions and feelings he thought he had long since forgotten returning with heated vengeance. Her touch, her scent, the way she spoke his name, all memories that once again burned painfully into his mind. He sighed deeply before beginning to speak.

"I behaved like a total idiot Grace. I hurt her, unintentionally, but the outcome was the same."

"I know that she was upset at Mel's death and having to deal with the aftermath of that, but I'm sure she knows that you were only doing her job."

"No."

"What do you mean no?"

"I mean you don't understand …not fully anyway."

"Well help me understand then."

He turned and lifted his gaze to meet hers. "I …." His voice trailed off as he frustratedly ran his fingers through his hair.

"What is it Boyd?" Grace answered noticing the sadness that rested in his eyes.

"I should have told you this before, I just never found the right moment, or the right words ….."

"Tell me what?"

"Ahm a few years ago, not long before Mel …." He lowered his head unable to finish the sentence, before continuing. "… Frankie and I sort of …."

"Sort of what?"

"Well we …. erm, we started to see quite a bit of each other, outside the office I mean."

"What you and Frankie?"

"Yes Grace …. me and Frankie."

"I ….. I don't know what to say … seriously, you and Frankie, together?"

"Why is that so hard to believe Grace eh?"

"No reason, I just didn't think that she was your type. I mean scientist geek-chic and all that."

"No, nor did I. Believe me, it wasn't something I planned, or even wanted to happen … it just sort of did."

"How come you never mentioned it before?" She asked surprised at how hurt she felt at the fact he hadn't taken her into his confidence before now.

"Erm, I honestly don't know. I guess we just wanted to see where it went before we made it public, and as it happens it was over almost before it began."

"Still …. I'm not just _the public_ Boyd; I'm allegedly your best friend."

"You are Grace, you know that, and I'm sorry, truly I am. It's just I could never find the right moment and I wasn't sure how you would react."

"How did you think I would react Boyd?"

"I dunknow, I just didn't want to take the chance of anything spoiling … well my happiness I guess."

"And did you seriously think I would do that?"

"No, not at all. I suppose I stupidly thought if I was to tell anyone that somehow it would be … I don't know … jinxed in some way."

"You don't really believe in all that do you?"

He shook his head slowly. "No. In the end it didn't matter though did it. After Mel everything changed."

"With Frankie?"

"With Frankie, with me ….everything. I couldn't give her the comfort she needed and pushed her away when she needed me most."

"You were hurting as well Boyd, we all were."

"Yea, but rather than deal with what was happening I shut everything and everyone out especially her. Anyway the end result was that she ended it, didn't want to see or speak to me again, and I don't blame her. When she left the Unit there didn't seem any reason to mention our relationship, it would have been like re-opening the wound and I just couldn't face it Grace."

"Did you ever try to contact her after she left?"

"Yea once. When Sarah and I were together it became obvious that she wanted more than I could give her. On one occasion when she had returned to the US she rang and left a message on my answer phone telling me that ahm … she was in love with me ….."

"Hmm Eve did mention."

"….. I knew then that I didn't feel the same way about her and it bothered me a little. I mean she was stunningly attractive, funny, intelligent; I should have been delirious that she even wanted to be with me, but I wasn't. At first I thought it was because of all the stuff going on with Luke at the time, but I began to realise that I couldn't love her because I had never really forgotten Frankie."

"And where you in love with Frankie?" Grace softly asked him as she took another long draw from her glass.

"I honestly dunknow Grace." He answered softly shaking his head. "but yea …. I think I might have been, or at least been heading in that direction. I just remember feeling completely happy and content." Grace swallowed hard as the sting of regret and sadness from his words hung in the air.

"So what happened when you eventually contacted Frankie then?"

"I didn't."

"Sorry?"

"Well when I finally plucked up the courage to go and see her she wasn't there. Her neighbour gleefully informed me that she had moved to a posh new apartment on the River with her handsome young man."

"Ouch…."

"Yea well, that was that wasn't it. The story of my life Grace, when I finally work out what I want it's too late."

"And now? How do you feel now that she's back?"

"I really don't know. Part of me is glad to see her. I mean, its Frankie isn't it, the old team. It feels right somehow."

"And the other part?"

"Wishes she had have stayed away." He said sadly before holding his palms up in defence. "I know Grace; I know you don't have to tell me. I'm a selfish…..."

"I wasn't going to say anything." She interjected. "

"But that's what you're thinking though."

"No, not at all. I'm just wondering where you go from here."

"Damned if I know!"

"Well I had no idea. I wish you had of told me sooner ….."

"Grace …. I .."

"But I understand why you didn't."

"You do?"

"Yes of course. My pride may be a little hurt that you felt you couldn't talk to me about it, but I can see why you would have wanted to keep it quiet."

"Thanks Grace, for understanding I mean." His eyes filled with genuine sincerity. "You do know don't you that once the time was right you would have been the first person I spoke to."

"Really?"

"Undoubtedly."

She smiled softly at him her eyes reflecting the deep affection she felt towards her friend. "For what it's worth I am sorry."

"For what?" He shrugged.

"That it didn't work out for you, that something which obviously meant a lot to you and made you happy ended in such a cruel way. Contrary to what you believe, you deserve happiness in your life Boyd."

He smiled fondly at her. Grace …. Beautiful, wonderful, intuitive, supportive Grace …. allowing himself a fleeting moment of imagining how different his life would be if she wasn't in it. Dark, lonely and cold. His work and her friendship were the only constant thing he had and he knew that he would be lost without them both.

"Yea well … like I said it's the story of my life. I should be well used to it by now."

"Oh come on … it's not all bad is it?"

"No, I suppose not." He breathed deeply and smiled softly at her. "Come here Grace." He motioned holding out his arm and wrapping it around her as she sat next to him. "You've been a good friend to me haven't you?"

"Well, I'd like to think so." She replied completely comfortable nestled underneath his strong embracive arm.

"You know I don't deserve you." He said placing a kiss gently on top of her head.

"Oh I wouldn't say that." She smiled. "I think we complement each other quite well. You gruff and hot-headed and me well …. calm and serene."

She felt his deep laugh as it reverberated through his chest before they fell once again into companionable silence each lost in their own thoughts.

"So ….." Grace's voice interrupted the stillness. "…. What's next then?"

"I suppose I have to find a way to get Frankie to speak to me. At the minute she flatly refuses."

"You need to give her time Boyd."

"And in the meanwhile …?"

"You have to find a way to work around it without causing an atmosphere in the office."

"What a mess Grace eh?"

"You'll work it out." She reassuringly patted his leg.

He gently pulled her tighter to himself sighing heavily. "I hope you're right Grace, because at the minute I'm not so sure that it will."


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I do not own the copyright for Waking the dead or its characters – all rights belong to the BBC**

**Content: Season nine spoilers, friendship, angst.**

**Rating T – angst **

**Hey everyone. Okay so this is my upholding of the deal I struck with Joodiff. In return for her writing the sequel to Obtuse I promised to write the next chapter of (& complete) Atonement. I am very well aware that I got the better part of this deal (If you haven't already read I thoroughly recommend you read both Obtuse and Resolution by Joodiff) but I want to thank you so much for taking the time to read. As always I would love to hear your thoughts. Thanks again xx**

**Atonement**

**Chapter Four**

"Hi Frankie" Grace opened lightly as she entered the lab.

"Hi Grace. What brings you here so early in the morning?" Frankie replied smiling warmly at her colleague.

She was very fond of Grace, always had been. It was Grace who she went to in years gone by when she needed someone to talk to. Her relationship with her own mother had broken down when she was a teenager, Frankie never seeing eye to eye with her heavy-handed stepfather and her mother refusing to give him up. Grace had somehow instinctively taken on that role and on many occasions had given her very valuable and much needed advice. She respected and trusted her opinion, they all did. Grace was an extremely wise and intuitive woman and it never surprised Frankie how often everyone deferred to her judgement. Boyd may be officially in charge of CCU, but it is Grace who is the matriarch of the unit, the glue that holds everyone and everything else together. She suspected that Boyd was very well aware of Grace's status and he silently, happily endorsed it. True they fought like cat and dog, but when it came down to it he would be completely lost without her and everyone, including Boyd, knew it.

She deeply regretted that she had not spoken to Grace about her relationship with Boyd before she left the unit, but at the time she just couldn't bring herself to do it and the longer she stayed silent, the easier it became. She had attempted to keep in touch with her for a while, but found that it was too painful to keep the link open to the past. Too many times she found herself falling into the easy trap of asking how everyone was on the pretence of hearing his name. She knew she was physically incapable of preventing herself enquire about him, and had developed an innate self-destructive desire to find out every piece of information she could without arising suspicion - what he was doing, who he was doing it with. Her mind provoked her to keep probing and yet time and time again the answer she received in reply pierced through her heart like a dagger. Boyd was getting on with his life. She had driven herself crazy wondering if he thought of her as often as she did him, until she couldn't put herself through it anymore. A clean break was what she needed so the nights out and telephone calls with Grace fizzled out until eventually they lost touch altogether. It was only now, seeing her again that Frankie realised how much she had missed her.

"Oh nothing really, I just came to see how you were settling in." Grace said as she moved towards the empty stool at the bench where Frankie was sitting and wearily dropped onto it. She and Boyd had talked late into the night and lack of sleep along with too much good wine were now painfully reminding her that she was not as young as she once was.

Frankie raised her eyebrows. She had known Grace a long time, and knew that everything she did had purpose and thought behind it. Grace was on the hunt for information and it didn't take a genius to work out what she was searching for.

"Yeah, okay thanks. It still feels very weird being back, but I'll get there." Frankie answered, her lips softly pulling into a small knowing smile. "So, do you want to tell me why you're really here?" She asked.

"I don't know what you mean." Grace replied as she feigned a look of innocence.

"Come on Grace, we've been friends a long time, I know when you have something on your mind that you want to say, so spit it out." Frankie answered incredulously.

Grace returned her smile coyly. "I didn't realise I was so transparent."

"Like I said, I've known you a long time."

The psychologist sighed deeply observing the younger woman fondly before she started to speak.

"Boyd …"

"I knew it! Sorry Grace I really don't want to talk about Boyd right now." Frankie answered sharply holding her palms up defensively.

"Look whatever is going between you both you have got to sort it out Frankie."

"Believe me some things are better left alone."

"So you're happy to continue to work in this atmosphere? Because quite frankly I don't think I could bear it."

"Oh come on. That's a bit like the kettle calling the pot black isn't it? You have had your fair share of run-ins with Boyd yourself Grace and I seem to remember the atmosphere being pretty damn bleak when you both kicked off."

"That's different and you know it."

"Is it? Frankie shrugged.

"Yes it is, for the simple fact everyone knows that Boyd and I will always eventually work it out. We explode at one another, let off steam, it's just how we are, but essentially underneath it all we are friends, good friends and we will always forgive and move on. Can you say the same?"

Frankie lowered her head slowly. They had been good friends once and she would have forgiven him pretty much anything, but too much had happen, there was too much water under this particular bridge for her to relinquish her bitterness and hurt so quickly.

"Who knows Grace, maybe one day we ….."

"One day? And just how long will that be? Next week, next month, next year? You can't go on working in this hostile environment Frankie …. WE can't go on. The unit has been through enough lately without walking on egg-shells around you and Boyd."

"I know, but it's just gonna take time, and even then ….."

"Sometimes you just have to forgive and move on Frankie."

"You don't understand, it's not that easy."

"I understand that he hurt you."

Frankie's eyes rose swiftly to meet her colleagues and Grace felt the fire that blazed beneath them bore into her as she silently searched for confirmation of how much Grace was aware of.

"Boyd told me." Grace replied softly in answer to her continued scrutiny.

"Told you what exactly?

"About you and him. Your relationship."

"Boyd told you that? When?"

"Last night."

"I'm sorry Grace but he had no right to tell you. That was private between us and over a long time ago." Her tone betraying more of the deep hurt she felt than she had purposed.

"He needed someone to speak to Frankie."

"Well it's a pity he didn't need that five years ago isn't it, maybe we wouldn't be in this frigging mess." Frankie replied abruptly.

"You know what Boyd's like. He doesn't do the whole _dealing with his feelings_ thing well."

"Yea well, he was still able to speak to you about it wasn't he?"

"Only because I forced him too. Believe me he didn't want to. He has never mentioned it, not in all these years"

"Well you're still a better woman than me Grace, because no matter how hard I tried I couldn't get him to talk to me. Do you know how hard it was to lose my best friend and then have to deal with the fact that the man I loved completely shut me out when I needed him most? All I wanted was some comfort, to have him wrap his arms around me, tell me that everything was going to be alright, but he couldn't do it. He pushed me away Grace, left me feeling totally alone."

Grace's eyes widened as she processed Frankie's words mentally interspersing them along with Boyd's from the previous evening.

"You loved him?"

The colour rose swiftly to Frankie's cheeks as she realised she admitted far more than she intended. "It was a long time ago Grace."

"But you loved him?" Grace gently persisted, her voice soft and infused with understanding.

Frankie dropped her gaze as she felt the unfamiliar pull on her heart. It had been years since she had allowed herself to think of him, at least in this way. Boyd had made her feel more alive that she could ever remember. He was exciting, unpredictiable and impulsive and yet when she was with him she felt completely safe, secure. She shivered as once again his ghostly embrace surrounded her. The memory of his strong muscular arms holding her close to him, protecting her from the darkness of the world was almost overwhelming. Except he didn't did he? He didn't protect her, not when she needed it most. She had loved him, probably more than any other man in her life, but what did that matter now?

"Frankie …" Grace continued breaking into her thoughts. "….. you were in love with Boyd weren't you?"

"Yea ….. I loved him." Frankie quietly admitted her voice escaping no more than a whisper.

Grace reached out across the desk and squeezed her arm gently. "Oh Frankie …"

"Don't Grace, please, just don't do the whole sympathy thing okay. I really couldn't bear it. I just need to sort out my feelings and get on with it."

"Your feelings about seeing him again?"

Frankie nodded.

"So how do you feel?"

"I dunknow." She answered honestly, shrugging her shoulders in deep resignation. "I have spent the best part of five years telling myself that I didn't care, that it meant nothing, that he meant nothing."

"And does he, mean nothing?"

Frankie wasn't quick enough to conceal the look that fleeted across her eyes, a look that confirmed to Grace everything she needed to know. This relationship ran deeper than she had first realised.

"You're still in love with him aren't you?"

Grace's words fell heavily around her. How honest could she be? With Grace. With herself. Five years of constant denial, of fighting every memory of him. She knew it had been pointless, every defence she had put up the ghost of him knocked it down. She had never escaped fully from his grasp, his presence had continually haunted her. When she met Alan she had told herself that he was what she wanted, try to make herself believe that he was what she needed, but she had only succeeded in fooling herself for the briefest moment. Alan was a complete contrast to Boyd. He was safe, predictable and would never hurt her. With Alan she always knew where she stood, but he never excited her. His love was suffocating, oppressive and left her feeling empty. Even though it was Alan who eventually left, she couldn't blame him. She knew that she had driven him out and hated herself for what she had become. Even now she still saw the pain in his eyes as realisation encompassed him, no matter what he did, no matter how much he loved her, he would never be enough. He couldn't understand the reason why, he gave her everything he could give and when he asked for an explaination she would never be drawn on it. His frustration often led to arguments and her own self loathe of what she was doing to him caused her fight back. She denied it. Denied it to him and denied it to herself but she lost count of the number of times that she looked at Alan and it was Boyd's face she saw. In the end she wanted him to hate her, wanted him to leave, yet when he eventually did the peace she craved didn't come. She should have been happy with him, Alan was a good man and she knew she was lucky to have found him. But he wasn't and would never be Boyd.

"Grace please …."

"It's a valid question Frankie."

"He hurt me Grace. After him I swore I would never let another man treat me like that."

"He was a different person back then, so much has happen since."

"People don't change, not essentially. You know that."

"But they gain understanding, an insight. Circumstances cause us to stop and take stock of what's important."

"It still doesn't change the past."

"You know, you never struck me as a coward before Frankie."

"Hold on a minute. How is not wanting rake up the past and all its hurt and heartache cowardly?"

"But it's not the past is it? It's right here, right now and sitting just down the corridor in his office feeling just as miserable as you are."

"Yea but our relationship is in the past."

"No, I'm sorry but I don't think it is not even remotely. You haven't dealt with it, not fully. Neither of you have."

"And just what do you expect me to do Grace huh?"

"Well, maybe you should just give him a chance to explain, hear his side of the story."

"Why? He's had five years to explain himself, and not once did he try. If he had wanted to sort this out, wanted to apologise or make some excuse or whatever, he could have contacted me, but silence speaks volumes. Now just because it suits him, he thinks that I should just drop everything and work it out – well I don't live by his rules anymore."

"He did try you know."

"What?"

"He told me last night that he had gone to your house a few years ago, but a neighbour told him you had moved."

Frankie stilled, but her mind continued to race, thoughts rapidly tumbling and cascading into one another. Boyd had tried to find her. All these years she convinced herself that he hadn't given her a second thought, but if what Grace is saying was true ….

"He's a senior detective Grace; he could have easily tracked me down if he had really wanted to."

"I think his pride was hurt."

"His pride?"

"Yea the neighbour also informed him that you had moved in with your nice young gentleman friend. As far as Boyd was concerned that was it, you had moved on and were happy, and he, well he had well and truly blown it."

"If he just wasn't so impossibly stubborn …."

"You're both as bad as each other you know." Grace answered lightly raising her eyebrows.

Frankie opened her mouth to retort only to close it again without saying a word. A few moments passed in companionable silence before Frankie spoke.

"What do I do Grace?"

"Talk to him." Grace replied pushing back on the stool as she rose to her feet.

"I'm not sure that I can. Not yet anyway."

"You need to Frankie. Boyd's already made it clear that he's ready to talk."

"And just because Boyd says jump we all say how high?"

"Frankie!" Grace gently admonished.

"I know, I'm sorry. It's all still a bit much to get my head around Grace."

"I know." Grace answered softly placing her hand on Frankie's forearm. "I know."

* * *

><p>Her mind was filled with a thousand thoughts as Grace left the lab to return to her office. She didn't have to be a psychologist to know that neither Boyd nor Frankie had even begun to deal with their relationship, or, with their residual feelings. If they didn't sort this out soon the tension would only escalate and she feared the old saying about a fine line between love and hate would prove all too true.<p>

She was still deep in thought as she rounded the corner and straight into Boyd.

"Boyd? What are you doing skulking in the corridor?"

"I wasn't skulking." He answered gruffly. "I was looking for you. Where were you anyway?"

Grace rolled her eyes dramatically at him. "Well given that I have just come from the corridor that leads directly to the lab I'd say that was a pretty good bet wouldn't you?"

"Frankie there?"

"Oh your detective skills know no bounds do they?"

"Grace, come on have a heart eh? I'm knackered, my head's thumping and the last thing I need is you being so frigging funny."

Grace relinquished, smiling softly at him. "You left before I got up."

"Yea I had to go home to shower and change before work. I'm too damn old to be drinking on a school night."

"You and me both." She laughed.

"So Frankie….." Boyd continued nodding his head in the direction of the lab. "…. she alright?"

"Why don't you go and ask her yourself?"

"I don't think that would be a good idea do you?"

"Why not? "

He sighed loudly, his broad shoulders sinking heavily. "I really don't feel up to this Grace, not today."

"No today, not tomorrow. When Boyd?"

"I don't know do I? Whenever she stops being so impossible."

"Honestly you two. I've just told her that you are both as bad as each other."

"You were talking about me …. to Frankie? A good girlie gossip was it? Have a laugh at my expense?"

"Oh grow up Boyd." Grace snapped.

"No come on Grace, what did you say?"

"Ask her!"

"No, I'm asking you!"

"And I'm telling you that if you want to know you are going to have to speak with Frankie. Now excuse me, I have work to do."

Boyd weightily leaned his body against the wall as he rubbed his hand wearily across his face. There was a lot to be said for staying away from your own doorstep, life would certainly be easier now if both he and Frankie had been able to control themselves and leave well enough alone. But they hadn't and he was painfully aware of the futility of wishing otherwise. He was unable or unwilling to forget. He felt his pulse involuntarily quickened as his mind flashed memories of them together. It was heat, it was desire, it was exciting and it was unforgettable. He closed his eyes as he attempted to once again lock away the emotions that he had carefully concealed for years. With a deep disgruntled groan he pushed himself away from the wall and made for the safe confines of his office.

Tbc


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I do not own the copyright for Waking the dead or its characters – all rights belong to the BBC**

**Content: Season nine spoilers, friendship, angst.**

**Rating T – angst **

**Hey everyone. Okay so we are on the home straight. Hopefully you are still enjoying this. Thanks again for taking the time to read this. As always would love to hear your thoughts. xx**

**Atonement**

**Chapter five**

Frankie swore under her breath as she replaced the receiver. It had been a long day at the end of a very long week and she had just been preparing to go home when the shrill of the telephone broke through the silence. She knew she shouldn't have answered it, knew that she should have firmly ignored the incessant ringing and continued to walk out the door towards the beer that was currently chilling in her fridge. The first week back was always going to be the hardest, but not even she was prepared for the emotional rollercoaster she had been on during the last five days. She had tried to box everything into neat little compartments in her mind. Work life, home life, personal feelings, but unfortunately these had all become blurred, merging indistinctively and overlapping chaotically, dragging with them immeasurable confusion and frustration.

The whole week she had attempted to avoid Boyd, but it was simply impossible. The nature of her work meant that she was involved at every turn and the nature of the man he was meant that he was right in the middle of everything. The atmosphere between them was awkward and forced resembling nothing like their previous relationship. Neither of them broached the subject, both painstakingly keeping their interactions terse and professional, at least on the surface. Underneath the standoffish cold exterior she displayed Frankie was feeling more confused than ever. Life had been so much easier when she didn't have to think about him, when no-one spoke his name and every memory of him was supressed inside her deeper than she knew was healthy. In that world she could pretend he never existed, that she had never heard of Peter Boyd and that he certainly never broke her heart.

Now she was faced with stark reality every day. A mirror reflecting her own soul. His cavernous eyes haunted her with their sorrow as he faltered when they were alone together. She knew what he was thinking - his thoughts were hers. She knew that he felt it too, his deep soulful eyes betraying the heaviness his true feelings carried. She saw how his gaze lingered longer than necessary, and waited in hopeful anticipation as he opened his mouth as if to speak, only for her heart to sink as all too swiftly he turned away without uttering a word. Both of them were way to stubborn to relent, or admit the extent of their silent torture, instead they chose to carry on the pretence of caring little and desiring nothing. Frankie closed her eyes and sighed deeply pushing past the ache that now rested constantly on her heart. She couldn't pretend to herself any longer. Peter Boyd was painfully, undeniably, irritably, deep under her skin.

Roughly she rubbed her hand across her face in a bid to displace her wayward thoughts before throwing her bag wearily onto the table and leaving the lab.

"Grace" Frankie called out as she moved swiftly through the bull pen. She had come to realise that the less time she spent in here the better. She walked purposefully towards the psychologist's darkened office, noting with annoyance the glow of light radiating from between Boyd's blinds.

"Grace?" She said peering round the door swearing once again in irritation. Grace's office was empty and in semi darkness, her computer switched off for the evening. _Damn it, she must be with Boyd._ _Well there's bugger all chance of me going in there._She thought as she walked further into the office. The low lamp threw an ambient light across Grace's desk, bouncing shadows and silhouettes around the homely space and drawing Frankie's attention. As she moved towards the desk with her back against the door her curiosity rose with her.

"You've just missed her; she's gone home for the evening." The deep familiar voice echoed from behind, startling her.

"What?" Frankie turned the look of confusion resting on her face. Her heart was thumping against her ribcage, but she couldn't determine if it was because he had surprised her, or simply at his proximity. "Grace just phoned asking me to come round to look over her report." She continued.

Boyd shrugged. "Sorry, she has definitely left, about five minutes ago."

"And I suppose you have something to do with this?" She said accusingly holding out a piece of paper and motioning with her head towards the bottle of wine placed purposefully beside two glasses on top of Grace's desk.

"I have absolutely nothing to do with it." He replied bemused taking the paper from her and turning it over in his hands. Written in Grace's distinctive handwriting were three words.

_'Just talk please!'  
><em>  
>"Yea right!" She said her disbelief evident in her tone.<p>

"I'm serious Frankie; this has nothing to do with me." Boyd retorted, his annoyance rising.

"Doesn't matter anyway ... I'm going home." She replied pushing past him towards the door.

"Hold on, please." He softly said grabbing her arm lightly as she past him.

A tingle of electricity immediately surged within her at the feel of his touch again on her skin. His deep brown eyes intense as he searched hers pleadingly.

"Why?"

"Well, maybe Grace is right. We need to talk." His voice was low and gentle.

"What's left to say Boyd?"

"Everything. Things that five years ago were left unsaid and shouldn't have been." He saw Frankie's eyes soften and reached up to her face gently brushing his fingers across her cheek.

"Don't Boyd!" She answered releasing herself roughly from his grip, fire once again rising in her eyes as she turned making for the door.

"I'm sorry …. Frankie don't leave …. please …. look I'm sorry okay?" He called after her, his voice dropping as she stopped. "At least have a glass of wine, let me try to explain."

"I don't know if I can stir it all up again Boyd."

"Hasn't that been done already? I mean, having you here again. It's hard not to remember how things were when I know you are only a few yards away from me. It's been driving me crazy Frankie."

She closed her eyes; she had known he felt the same. His thoughts were hers. Each unable to purge themselves completely clean of the others intoxicating hold upon them no matter how hard they battled against it. Slowly she turned towards him. Standing in front of her wasn't the imposing controlled figure that he often cast; instead she saw vulnerability in his dark arcane eyes that beckoned her to him. Against her will she found her feet beginning to carry her back inside the office and tentatively she sat onto Grace's sofa.

Boyd smiled gently as he lifted the bottle of wine and began to open it. His head swimming with things he wanted to say to her, needed to say, and yet he felt so inadequate at expressing. Grace was always the one with the words; she always seemed to know the right thing to say at the right moment.

_One shot Boyd- don't bugger this up_. He mentally berated himself as he held out a filled glass towards Frankie.

"Do you mind?" He asked nodding towards the empty space on the sofa beside her.

She shook her head, taking a long draw from her glass as he sat hesitantly beside her. The room filled with an awkward silence, unrecognisable from the relaxed nature of their relationship in years gone by. Even before they had got together Boyd had often sought Frankie out, knowing that she had the knack of cheering him up and lightening his often darkened mood. They shared a similar sense of humour. Grace would often just roll her eyes, Frankie however, more times than not, laughed unselfconsciously along with him. He loved her laugh. Loved how she didn't care who heard it, or knew when things amused her deeply. He missed it.

Frankie finally broke the uneasy silence by asking the question that had haunted her for five years. "Why did you push me away Boyd?"

"I didn't …"

"Oh come on! If you're not going to be honest then there is not much point to this." Frankie said angrily placing her glass on the table and motioning to stand.

"Frankie …." He elongated her name as he searched for the words within. "…. please." His voice trailed off as he closed his eyes. It wasn't until he felt her settle next to him again that he dared opened them.

"What I mean was, I didn't mean too. I didn't even realise I was doing it at the time, I just knew I couldn't deal with everything." He said honestly.

"That night I came round, the night Mel died, I needed you, but you couldn't even be bothered to answer the door."

Boyd's mind instantly returned him to that evening. The rain was falling relentlessly outside, noisily dancing on the window panes. He had heard the banging on his door, heard her voice calling him, and heard her sobbing uncontrollably. His mobile phone displayed her name as it vibrated loudly on the coffee table beside the half empty whiskey bottle, but still he couldn't face her. How could he look into the eyes of the woman he loved knowing that he was responsible for the death of her best friend? How could he hold her and acknowledge that it was because of him she had to look at Mel's broken body and process the indescribable scene. He should have been able to protect Frankie from the horror that now haunted him daily, but he didn't, instead he subjected her to the same desolate fate. He was the reason Frankie woke in the middle of the night sobbing. He did that to her and he hated himself for it. He didn't want to be loved, didn't deserve it. So instead of facing her he stayed exactly where he was, curled up on his sofa, allowing the pain inside him to rage and fury against the despair that tortured him remorselessly as he wept uncontrollably.

"I know. I'm sorry Frankie."

"Why did you do it?"

"I ….. I just couldn't face you."

"You were gutless Boyd."

"I know." He quietly accepted bowing his head as he spoke. "I was responsible for Mel's death, how could I have ever looked at you knowing that?"

"You weren't responsible Boyd; you didn't know what was going to happen."

"Yea but …"

"We all knew what the risks were."

"But I should have been able to protect her. I sent her in there Frankie. The number of times I have replayed that day over and over in my mind. "

"You can't change the past Boyd. Sometimes you just have to accept it, deal with it and move on."

"You're beginning to sound like Grace."

"I've had a long time to come to terms with Mel's death and the aftermath."

"You were so angry Frankie …. not that I blamed you of course, you had a right to be."

"She was my best friend Boyd, I was angry with everyone and everything. You know, I never thought I'd ever forgive you for what you made me do. How did you ever expect me to behave as though she was just another body that had been found?"

"And that was another reason why I couldn't face you."

"You hurt me." Her voice trailed off as the emotion of the past infused her tone.

"I know, I'm sorry." He rubbed his hand across his face trying to displace the memories. "I'm not proud of it you know. Any of it."

"It took me a while to understand that you were just doing your job. DSI Boyd, always in control, job first, people second."

He lifted his gaze towards her, the sting of her words flashing across his eyes. "Is that what you really think? That I didn't care? That I was _just doing my job_? It was way more than that Frankie. It was Mel. Do you have any idea what that meant?"

"Of course I do …."

"She was like a daughter to me. I watched her grow and was proud of her, of who she was, what she was achieving. It was about respect. I couldn't bear the thought of just anyone near her, seeing her like that, treating her like just another piece of meat. I've been around for a while Frankie, I know what goes on and yea maybe it sounds stupid but I wanted her to be respected, to have the dignity she deserved. I knew that you would do that. I couldn't trust anyone else with her. Does that make sense? I just …." His voice faltered. "…. I just didn't think what that might do to you."

"It nearly destroyed me Boyd, seeing her like that, having to fight against every emotion, trying to stay professional when inside I was falling apart."

"I thought I was doing what was right, for Mel I mean. I just didn't consider ….."

"It's okay. Grace told me."

"Huh?"

"Grace tried to explain it to me years ago. I supposed it helped me to get my head around some stuff. At the time I was just so angry, I couldn't believe you would be so cruel. The more you wouldn't talk to me, the angrier I became. You know that night, if you had just opened the door ….. yes okay I know I was angry and would have yelled and swore but ultimately I just needed you. Do you even understand that? I needed you Boyd. You could have explained it then, we could have sorted it out, but you left me feeling that you just couldn't give a damn about me or how I felt."

"Don't you think I've thought about that ever since?"

"So what's changed now then?"

"When Luke died I had to face up to a lot of things. Every failure I had made with him, in fact every failure that I'd made, threatened to take me under. I didn't deal with it very well, suppressed it along with everything else. I began turning into something even I didn't recognise. I had darker more dangerous moods and thoughts. No regard for myself or what I was doing to the others around me."

"What did you do?"

"Spoke to Grace …... eventually."

"Did she help?"

"Yea, yea she did as it happens. A few years previously we had a huge row. She told me that I was … repressed, depressed and in denial, I think was how she put it."

"Ouch!"

Boyd laughed lightly before sobering up again. "She was right though wasn't she? As always. It took me a while to understand exactly what she meant. It wasn't until Luke's death that I realised just how deeply I was burying everything and how it was destroying me but I couldn't see any way out. I thought I had begun to come to terms with Mel's death, I even visited her grave once or twice, but loosing Luke just brought everything back, made me realise that I hadn't dealt with anything at all, not properly, including losing you."

"I'm sorry, about Luke I mean."

"Thanks." He said solemnly.

"It must be hard."

Boyd nodded his head imperceptibly his heart pulled down by sorrow. "It is. Though I just can't help thinking …. doesn't matter."

"No come on."

"Seriously, it doesn't matter; you'll think I'm a heartless prick."

"Probably, but I think that anyway so it's okay." She smiled gently at him.

Boyd ran his hand roughly through his hair, sighing deeply as he attempted to formulate his thoughts. "It's just I can't help but think that even though he's dead, and believe me I wish to God that he wasn't, but at least I know. I'm not constantly looking for him in a crowd, wondering where he is, who he's with, if he's okay, or if he needs me. It's given me ….."

"Closure?"

"Yea I suppose, though you never really get closure do you? Not properly."

"No, I guess you don't."

"Part of me coming to terms with Luke's death meant that I had to also deal with Mel's too, once and for all. I had to somehow find a peace within the chaos. I knew I was pushing everyone further and further away, Grace included, but I didn't know how to stop myself. When Grace got ill, I realised that it had to stop. First Mel, then you, and Luke, I couldn't bear the thought of losing Grace too. Do you know we had drifted so far apart that she didn't even tell me that she was sick? That was the wakeup call I needed, and it gave Grace something to concentrate on while she recuperated. I was her pet project." He flashed Frankie a boyish grin, but couldn't hide the vulnerability and pain that nestled deep in his eyes.

"I'm sure she loved that." Frankie said unable to prevent herself from returning his smile.

"Yea, a little too much." He laughed feeling his body relaxing for the first time. "In all seriousness though, she was great, helped a lot. I came to find you, you know."

"Yea I know."

Boyd turned to look at her, his eyebrows raised in surprise.

"Grace mentioned it the other day." Frankie answered in response.

"Hmmm she appears to have been mentioning a lot recently hasn't she? I must have a word with her about that." He said lightly before continuing. "Anyway I wanted to explain, apologise, to see you."

"Why didn't you try to track me down? You could have found me easily enough."

"I wasn't sure how welcome I'd be."

Frankie dropped her gaze, her mind turning cartwheels as she attempted to process his words. "I'm really glad that things have turned around for you Boyd." She eventually offered surprised at how much she meant the words she spoke.

Boyd cleared his throat, but as he began to speak his voice still sounded gravelly. "So what about you? You settled?" His question met with initial uneasy silence. "I'm sorry ….." He continued.

"No, no it's fine." She held her palms up to pacify him. "I was in a relationship for a few years with Alan …."

"Ah, your nice young gentleman friend?"

"Yea, that's the one."

"And now? It just you spoke in past tense."

"We split up about a year ago."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. Turns out steady predicable men are not really my type. So what about you?" She ventured tentatively before mentally berating herself at the innate destructive desire within her to find out about his personal life.

Boyd shook his head slowly.

"Oh come on! Don't try to tell me there isn't some young blonde draping of you."

"I'm serious, there's not! There's only been one, Sarah, but she wasn't blonde and anway it didn't work out."

"You've only been with one person since we split up."

"Well I didn't say that." His eyes twinkled mischievously. "Sarah was the only long term relationship I've had, not that it could even be deemed long term to be honest."

"What happened?"

"She was in America, I was here."

"Long distance relationships never really stand a chance do they?"

"Hmm, well actually it was a little more than just the distance."

"Really?" She asked picking up the loosely concealed regret in his voice.

"Yeah. I suppose she wanted more than I could give."

"In what way?"

"I just couldn't love her, not in the way she wanted, or deserved."

"Oh, I see."

"No, I don't think you do. I couldn't love her, Frankie, mainly because I couldn't forget you. Which is the reason I wanted to find you."

"Boyd, don't do this please."

"Why not?" He shrugged.

"Because I'm not ready."

Boyd's adams apple rose and fell heavily as he swallowed hard. "Not ready for what?" He shrugged lightly, his eyes holding her gaze.

"For this. You being nice to me. For forgiving you."

He leaned closer to her. "Frankie … I've missed you."

"Boyd don't ….."

"I'm serious Frankie; there hasn't been a day when I haven't thought of you." Slowly he reached up and gently cupped her face."

"I'm sorry I can't do this." She said pulling away from him and rising abruptly to her feet.

Boyd's swift moment surprised her as suddenly he was standing directly in front of her his deep brown eyes still intensely burning into hers. She felt her breath catch as his low baritone voice filled the space between them. "Just look me in the eyes Frankie, tell me that you don't feel the same way and I'll never mention it again."

"Leave it Boyd okay!" She warned.

"Just say it and I will."

"Damn it Boyd, why can't you let it go?"

"Just say it."

"This is stupid. I'm going home." She tore her eyes from his, turning her back, she began walking.

"I still love you Frankie." His deep voice was low and sincere stopping Frankie in her tracks.

Five years she had longed to hear him say those words. Five long years when she had replayed every moment of their relationship over and over in her mind wondering if there was anything she could have done to make him love her enough to let her in. It had taken her a long time to get to this point of her life when finally she had made peace with herself and with a few words he had left her once again in turmoil.

"I can't let you do this to me again."

"Do what?"

She turned to face him, her pulse like a racing train hurtling towards oblivion. "Hurt me. Use me. Leave me. Take your pick Boyd." She answered brusquely.

He shook his head gently, his eyes never leaving her. "It's not gonna happen."

"How can you be so sure?"

"Because I've known what it's like to have you and to let you go. I will never make the same mistake twice."

Frankie's heart pulsated as he began to close the gap between them. She tried to control her breathing, her lungs rapidly fighting for air battled against her body as it sought to respond to him of its own volition. He was close, so close she felt his breath on her neck, warm and familiar. She could almost hear his heartbeat as he stood quietly drinking her in. She knew she should leave, break the spell that he had once again cast over her, but her legs were heavy and no matter how hard she tried she was unable to make them take even the smallest step away from him. Her eyes were transfixed on his. He was intoxicating. Time stood still and then melted like spring snow dissipating the years that had been lost to them. And still he moved closer.

"Just tell me Frankie … tell me you don't feel this."

She closed her eyes, her mind screaming for her to leave, her heart forbidding her to move.

"Just say it …" He moved closer, his breathing fast and rapid matched her own.

She felt his lips enticingly close to hers as he hesitantly waited for her reply.

"Say it Frankie and I'll leave." He whispered softly.

"I ….. I can't ….." He didn't wait for her to finish, his lips claiming hers impatiently. He felt her palms on his chest initially push against him, before finally she relented. Years of hurt and anger instantaneously dissolved around them as they eagerly rediscovered one other.

"This is it Frankie, whatever it takes, I'm staying right here okay?" He said holding her tightly.

"One step at a time Boyd, please don't make promises you can't keep."

"I've every intention of keeping this promise - I told you, I don't make the same mistake twice." He grinned widely as once again he covered her lips with his own.


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: I do not own the copyright for Waking the dead or its characters – all rights belong to the BBC**

**Content: Season nine spoilers, friendship, angst.**

**Rating T – angst **

**So this is this it – the last little piece of Atonement. Thank you so much for sticking with this (sorry it has taken me so long to finish) and for braving a little bit of Boyd and Frankie! I really do hope that you enjoyed it. A special thanks to Joodiff who is definitely my partner in Boyd and Frankie crime and to the entire OHT who are all just legends and will eventually come round to this! Ha! xx**

**Atonement - Epilogue**

**Six Months Later**

The door to his office swung open breaking into his thoughts and causing him to look up at his intruder. "Oh come in why don't you." He said mordantly.

She gave him a sardonic smile as she threw herself heavily onto his visitors couch.

"So what you want? He shrugged questionably.

"Nothing really. I just had to escape the four walls of my office before I went stir crazy."

"And the best you could come up with was to come in here and stare at my four walls was it?"

"Pretty much - anyway this has an added bonus."

"What's that then?"

"I get to annoy you in the process." She smiled playfully.

He let out an exasperated groan. "Oh great! I take it the reports aren't going well then."

"Yeah you could say that, I just can't seem to get my head around this one."

"There are some very sick people out there Grace. Just when you think you've seen everything someone surprises you in the worse possible way. Actually while you're here …" he continued getting up from his chair and walking towards the door. "… you could do something for me." Suspiciously he looked outside his office making sure that no one was around before firmly closing the door behind him shutting the world outside.

"You alright?" Grace enquired observing his odd behaviour.

"Never better!" He smiled walking back to his desk before opening the top drawer and retrieving a small black box. "Take a look at this would you?" He asked carefully opening the box and handing it to Grace. Inside was displayed a beautiful platinum diamond solitaire ring.

Grace sighed deeply. "Oh Boyd ..."

His face dropped at her tone. "What is it? You don't like it?" He asked nervously.

"No it's beautiful, really it is ... it's just ….."

"Just what?"

"None of my business!"

"No come on Grace, you're my best friend, if you've got a problem I want to know."

"It's not that I have a problem, it's just ….. well are you sure that you are doing this for the right reasons? I mean this isn't some half-baked attempt to atone for the past is it?"

Boyd's features relaxed as he broke into an easy smile. "I'm doing it because I love her Grace. These last six months have been the happiest of my life. Everything has fallen into place and Frankie is a big part of that."

Her smiled widened, joy sparkling in her dark sapphire eyes. "In that case I am very happy for you ... for both of you." She replied throwing her arms around him and laughing deeply at his surprise towards her affectionate embrace.

"She hasn't said yes yet."

"She will! She'd be a fool not too. And anyway I have it on good authority that she has never been happier either."

"Really?" He questioned. "Who's?"

"Hers!" Grace smiled back.

"Women - you do nothing but gossip do you?" He laughed lightly.

"Yeah well at least now you know you have a half decent chance of not being turned down."

"Was that ever in doubt Grace?"

She rolled her eyes playfully at him. "So when are you going to ask her?"

"Tonight."

"Oh that's exciting!"

"So I have your blessing then?" He asked, his voice carrying a more serious tone.

"Would that matter?"

"Of course it would – what you think is important to me. You know that."

Grace reached up and placed an affectionate kiss on his cheek. "Of course you have my blessing Boyd. I am delighted to see you happy, contented and at peace."

He squeezed her tighter into his embrace. "Thanks Grace. That means a lot." He said placing a kiss gently on top of her head.

The noise of the office door opening startled them, both turning round immediately as Frankie entered the room. "Is there something I should be worried about?" She opened lightly her smile confirming her accusation was not serious.

"Oh he's perfectly safe with me Frankie you don't need to worry." Grace replied slapping Boyd playfully on the chest."

"I know he is Grace, I trust you, but you're the only other woman he is allowed to wrap his arms around." She replied moving to his side.

"Oh I'm glad you two have this all worked out, do I have a say in the matter?" Boyd asked putting his arm around Frankie.

"No!" Both Frankie and Grace answered in unison.

"And on that note I'll leave you both to it. Thanks Boyd." Grace said smiling knowingly at her friend. As she placed her hand on the door to leave Grace couldn't stop the smile from pulling at her lips as she heard him speak.

"I was just about to call you." He said lovingly.

"Really?"

"Yeah, I was just wondering what you were doing tonight?"

"Nothing, why?"

"Oh I thought I'd take you out for dinner - somewhere expensive. You up for that?"

"Definitely, sounds great, what's the occasion?"

"Oh I don't know, I'm sure we'll find some reason or other." He laughed boyishly gently nuzzling her neck.

Frankie giggled against him, "Okay, it's a date then." She replied before reaching to kiss him tenderly.

Boyd gazed at her as contentment flooded his soul. Never had he been surer of anything in his life, there was no way he was ever going to let her go again.

"Good …." He said unable to supress his smile. " … I've a feeling I'm going to enjoy tonight."

Fin


End file.
